Colossians 3:18-4:1.
Main Idea: Our identity in Christ should govern how we live every aspect of our personal lives.
• This passage as a whole is dealing with what it looks like to do everything in word or in deed as unto the Lord, in the specific setting of the Christian household.
• If you are in Christ now, (if you are a Christian), this dictates your relationship to the rest of the world and everything is different as a result.
• And because Christ is your all now, all of our roles in the Christian household must be submitted to the Lord.
“It is in the closest and most familiar relationships of daily living that the reality of one’s Christian profession will normally be manifest, it at all” – F.F. Bruce
1. The roles of wife and husband should be submitted to the Lord (18-19)
Colossians 3:11, Paul said that in the church, “there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
• Clearly, scripture (and Paul) teaches the truth, that men and women are equal in value and worth before God. Both are equal as image-bearers of God, although different in how they reflect His image. Men and women come to the Lord in the same way and both men and women are accountable for their own actions.
• There is nothing in this or any other scripture to indicate that women are naturally or spiritually inferior to men
• At the same time, scripture is clear that although men and women are equal in value and worth and standing before God, God created men and women with different roles and Paul is explaining what the different roles are of men and women.
3:18 “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
• This is in opposition to a worldly view or a worldly manner of submission – it is a submission that befits those who are in Christ and submit to His authority ultimately
• Putting oneself under the authority of her husband is not the same thing as obey in these verses.
• Submission, suggests a voluntary willingness to recognize and put oneself under the leadership of another. To “submit” is to recognize a relationship of order established by God.
• "Submission to any human being is always conditioned by the ultimate submission that each believer owes to God. In any hierarchy we can imagine, God stands at the “top of the chart.” This means, then, that a wife will sometimes have to disobey a husband (even a Christian one) if that husband commands her to do something contrary to God’s will. Even as she disobeys, however, she can continue to “submit”, in a sense, by recognizing that her husband remains her head – just not her ultimate head.” -Bruce
3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
• Husbands are to lead in a way that is not filled with either bitterness or contempt – we are called to a leadership that is free from condescending attitudes and we are not to make our leadership difficult to swallow because it is demanding or hard.
• Instead, our leadership is to be loving and if we are harsh we fail to obey the command of being loving.
• Being loving looks like being kind, patient, long-suffering, forgiving, merciful, gentle and humble.
• In order for godly leadership to look like this, we need to be daily dependent on God and walk in humility, because apart from God, this is an impossible task.
• Loving one's wife looks like valuing her as a co-equal heir with Christ, fellow believer and fellow child of God.
• Loving her looks like seeing her as an equal, image-bearer of God and seeing her as valuable and precious. It looks like esteeming her and putting her best interests ahead of my own.
• If I put my own interests ahead of my wife when I lead her; if I am selfish and self-seeking in my leadership, I have not loved her.
2. The roles of children and parents should be submitted to the Lord
3:20 “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord”
• From the context and the fact that he addresses them as responsible persons, Paul is speaking to any children that are part of the household and under the authority of their parents.
• For those who are no longer under their parents care and protection, even though obedience is not required or expected, honoring our parents is still appropriate.
• The bible clearly sets up a precedent for how children are to obey – they are not to pick and choose and they are not to obey some things and disobey in other things. They are to obey in everything not because they want to but because it pleases the Lord.
• This would not apply where parents are requiring ungodly things of their children, such as asking them to disobey the law and it would definitely not apply in cases of abuse.
• The primary motivation for children to obey their parents, like all of the other commands in these verses, is because it is pleasing to the Lord or is the kind of behavior that is pleasing to the Lord.
3:21. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
• Fathers are specifically accountable and expected to lead their household in following God and as such, he addresses Fathers as being responsible for how their children are raised.
• Fathers are not to provoke or exasperate or aggravate our children.
• Parents have a God-given role to encourage our children.
• We are not to provoke them to anger nor are we to provoke them to discouragement. We are to parent in a loving, kind, compassionate, patient, tender manner that encourages them in the areas where God is at work.
• The word provoke here gives the idea of inciting them to rebel – to provoke a negative response.
• Some of the ways that we can provoke or incite our children:
o Not holding them to godly standards.
o By being too hard on them and expecting perfection, correcting them for every little thing or when they just make mistakes but aren’t necessarily meaning to disobey.
o By being inconsistent and not being clear in our communication with them, so that they don’t know what is expected and they feel like the rules are always changing on them, so why bother trying to obey anyway.
o By finding fault with everything that they do, so that they feel like they have to perform perfectly to please you.
o By conveying our disapproval – either through the angry, brooding, silent treatment – or by outwardly being disapproving with our speech more often than praising them for what they get right; belittling them, constantly mocking them or making fun of them continually.
o By showing favoritism and comparing
o By not expressing affection with word and with physical affection
o By not spending time with them
Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
• Instead,, parensts are to bring children up by training and instructing them in the ways of the Lord through teaching and example, with liberal doses of the same grace of God that we have received.
• Whenever we discipline them, we want to be sure to quickly point them to the hope that we both have in the gospel, so that they do not think they must attain any righteousness on their own.
• There is nothing like legalism to exasperate and stifle the affections for God
• But there is nothing like His grace and mercy and kindness and goodness to lead us to repentance.
3. The roles of servant and master should be submitted to the Lord (3:22-4:1)
• Although Paul is addressing slaves, let us be careful to not assume this means he is condoning slavery or that the Bible gives any support for slave-owning. It does not.
• He is telling Christians how they should live no matter what their season of life or what their social standing or circumstance is.
• If slaves, who are living in an unjust circumstance are told to fear the lord in the way that they work and not just work when the master is looking - to not just be people-pleasers, then how much more should we who have jobs, where we get paid, work in the same way.
• This scripture to slaves doesn’t leave any excuse for not working hard, even when we may have an employer who treats us unfairly.
• We are not to just do things to look good either, we are to sincerely work hard from a simple desire to please God – more aware of His eyes that are on us than living for the approval of men.
Titus 2:10, says we are to work in such a manner that we “adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in everything.”
• Ultimately how we work is to be primarily oriented towards an awareness of God as our master and this includes any kind of work – whether in the home, in the workplace or in the church.
3:23. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men”
• They are to work in such a way that their heart and soul is really in it and all of their energy and effort is behind it.
• If this was true for slaves, it is certainly true for us.
• For slaves, it meant putting their whole self into their work, with the constant realization that they were really working for the Lord.
• So, the question for us in application is how do we work? Do we work with our very heart and soul in it? While we are at work do we put our all into it or do we just work to collect a paycheck and do enough to get by?
• We are not to be people pleasers, we are to fear God and work as if He had hired us for the job.
• To work heartily implies a diligence and a drive, a godly ambition that comes from within a soul devoted to the Lord.
• This means having a godly ambition – seeking to be the best at what we do at work and not just settling for mediocrity, as if we were working for people. We are working for the Lord.
3:24. “knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”
• Most slaves would not have received an inheritance and could not look forward to earthly rewards but they were not to do the minimum because of this.
• In the same way, although we work for pay, ultimately, we work for the heavenly inheritance we will receive from the Lord.
• This reminds us again of the fact that we are to live as if Heaven is our home and set our minds on the things above and not focus on the things of the earth as our only goal.
• We are to serve and work for the eternal reward that He will give us and do everything as if we were serving the Lord and Messiah personally.
• We are not just to seek earthly rewards – we are to live seeking the things that are above, where Christ is. We are to set our minds on the things above and not be overly focused on earthly things.
• Ultimately, our trust is in God, not only to reward us but also to make everything right in the end.
3:25. “For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.”
• We can trust that God will take care of the wrongs that people do to us and that God does not play favorites or treat people differently because of their ethnic affiliation, background or financial status.
4:1. Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
• Masters are to treat their slaves justly and fairly, with the awareness that they have a Master in heaven and the insinuation is that they would want to be treated justly and fairly by Him.
Potential Application Questions:
(There are too many questions for caregroup – please try to go through these on your own as well)
1. How does your identity in Christ (as a Christian) affect your home life? How should it?
2. Are there any areas where the Lord convicted you about your view of the roles of husband or wife?
3. For those married: how can you specifically grow in your God-given role as a husband or wife?
4. Are there any areas where the Lord convicted you about your view of the roles of child or parent?
5. For those with children: how can you grow in your God-given role as a parent
6. For children: how do you need to grow in your heart of obedience to your parents?
7. For employees: how can you grow in being diligent when no one is looking
8. For employers: how can you seek your employees best interests and treat them in a godly manner?
9. Where do you find you are tempted to do things for the sake of “eye-service”
10. How can you grow in the fear of the Lord (school, work, etc.)
